the condom got lost in my hair
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
