Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
