Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
