Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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