Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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