woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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