did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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