I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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