my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's get the cat blown out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
