From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
