Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
