mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
