Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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