where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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