I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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