is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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