he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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