Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were trust falling into bushes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
