Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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