Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
