He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
