you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
