If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just invented taco cereal.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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