Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
