Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
