It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
