I'm jealous of your bromance
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
time to smoke my breakfast
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
