Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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