Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
