I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
