just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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