sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
