Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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