it hurts more in the daytime
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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