I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
