Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
