When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
