this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
