she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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