Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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