I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
