Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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