Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
