In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
