i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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