Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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