you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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