It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
