covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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