Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
