Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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