Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
