living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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