...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize