If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
