this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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