we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
