Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
