My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
