we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
