i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize