I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
