I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
