you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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