It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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