I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I lost the right to judge tonight
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
