I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
