3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize