This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
