non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
