Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
