you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
