Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
