I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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