my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
