At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
