Sry I called you an 8
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
