first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
