how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
