what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
