Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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