we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Vodka?
Forever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
